With Mother’s Day a mere four days away, I’ve been pondering motherhood. People around the planet celebrate their mothers on different days and in varied ways. Because really, where would we be without our mothers? Well – without our birth mothers anyway – the answer is simple. So, yes! Let’s celebrate our birth mothers in creative ways.

Beyond that, I offer an idea: let’s consider another level of celebration . . . for the greater Mother Archetype.

Carolyn Myss, internationally renowned author and medical intuitive shares this explanation:

“The Mother is the life-giver, the source of nurturing and nourishment, unconditional fountain of love, patience, devotion, caring, and unselfish acts. This archetype is the keeper and protector of life, from children to the family to the greater Mother Nature archetype whose province is the Earth and all life. Mother Nature, also known as Gaia, is the Goddess of Life, the caretaker of the living environment of this planet. She is recognized as powerful, and when storms leave death and destruction in their wake, she may be referred to as wrathful. The power of compassion and the endless capacity to forgive her children and put them before herself are essential to the Good Mother. The Devouring, Abusive, Abandoning, and Working Mother each represent different aspects of this primal archetype within the entire human community.

The qualities that are associated with this archetype can be expressed in other than biological ways, such as giving birth to books or ideas, or nurturing others.”

Blossoming Renewal

I love how in just this short passage, so many facets of the Mother Archetype come alive. The good and challenging. This is surely inspiring material, to inform ways in which we can celebrate Mother’s Day beyond the old bouquet of carnations. Many women either have not birthed or adopted children (myself included) or have had a child die or do not have a living mother. This could leave some of us adrift come Sunday.

Although in this time of springtime blossoms, of hope and renewal in the human spirit, I see myriad ways we may celebrate Mother’s Day. We can begin with honoring the creative~nurturing~unselfish archetypal mothers that surround us everyday.

We can even look within ourselves (male or female!) to find and celebrate those ways we’ve given birth to fresh ideas, stories, ventures, relationships or lives (plant or animal). We have so much to be thankful for and celebrate. I’d love to hear how you will choose to say ‘hooray for mothers’ this Sunday, May 8th.

With love, especially to my own Mama and her Mama and all of our mothers stretching eons before us,

Kristine

I first heard Threshold Choir members sing in person a few years ago. I immediately felt called to join. Choir members sing softly in small groups at the bedside of people who are living and dying. I have CDs like ‘Tenderly Rain’ and listen to the songs often, finding great comfort in them. I also offer the songs to clients with whom I work, in memorial or home funeral settings.

I finally found my way to our Tucson choir earlier this month. Wahoo! What an energetic bunch of creative women. After only a couple of rehearsals, I am overjoyed to sing with them. If you are not familiar with this group, here is an introductory video that gives you a chance to listen.

If you check out the video, you’ll meet Kate Munger, the founder and lead director of Threshold Choir. She is an amazing beam of creative light. I love how she says:

“there is no audition process to join the choir. All I ask is that you ‘feel the shiver’ when you hear our work. That seems to be enough.”

And truly, that is what happened to me, along with tears of joy.

Last night during our choir practice, I thought so frequently of the people in Japan who mourn and face unknowable losses. As they come to terms with the devastation following the quake and tsunami, I wish them peace somehow. As many of us do right now, I grieve from afar. From way across the Pacific – after we sang through the evening – the aching grief I feel was somewhat soothed. The uplifting powers of music continually amaze me. Especially it seems, during the most emotionally fragile times of loss.

If you are reading this and feel curious about a Threshold chapter in your area, you can look here. The organization is growing by the moment. New chapters may have formed that are not listed. I believe nationwide, there are thousands of women lifting their voices in song for people at the threshold.

Please comment below, if you are reading this in Tucson and interested in joining. We will connect and you will be welcome to sing. No audition necessary!

Kristine

I had no idea how fun elopement ceremonies could be until I began leading them. Simple. Unfettered. Joyful! Being in-the-moment. No fuss, no muss.  The eloping couples I have worked with bring these sentiments and more. Plus, they often find that Southern Arizona (especially in the winter!) is a sublime setting for a relaxed outdoor ceremony.

Me with Carolyn & John - speaking to their witnesses Anne and Henry

One story I’d like to share in particular is that of John and Carolyn. I composed and led their wedding for them in late December 2010. They are an amazingly inspiring couple, for more reasons than I can do justice to here.

I will relay their story in a few ‘chapters’ on my blog, because not only did I lead their Tucson elopement ceremony, they will fly me to their big family celebration and ceremony in Iowa this April! What an honor to lead another wedding for them, with their sons and more family and friends present.

Back to the Tucson story: John called me on Christmas Eve morning to see if I would work with them – and ahem – quickly. My reply was, “of course!” (Fun note: John spotted my ad in Tucson Bride & Groom Magazine while he waited for Carolyn to try on dresses.) We met Sunday, after Christmas. Later that evening, they emailed me responses to a few short questions, in order to co-create their vows and ring exchange. I drafted their personalized ceremony early Monday morning. They both expressed tears of joy upon reading it. I was thrilled when their text messages said “WE LOVE IT!”. Later that afternoon, we had their simple and yet, oh so poignant wedding.

So here is a wee peek into the possible joys of eloping in Southern Arizona.We have much to offer here: casual atmosphere in the Old Pueblo, stunning scenery of the Sonoran Desert, and gentle weather to boot.

If you are thinking about eloping – in two days or two weeks – give me a call to explore possibilities in Southern Arizona!

Warmly,

Kristine

When people ‘get’ what I do as a Celebrant, they realllllly get it. Readily. Eyes brighten and tense shoulders drop. Not only do they get it, they dig it. People I serve at Sweetgrass are relieved to know they have a choice for ceremony guidance that is beyond the ordinary. I love to see their relief and excitement about what is possible!

Sometimes I see furrowed brows for a few moments. That is okay. Once in awhile folks truly hear what I do – only by asking what I don’t do. “So you’re not ______? Or ______?” “No,” I patiently say. It takes awhile until we reach their ‘aha’ moment.

After a recent flurry of these defining conversations, I am moved to post more here. I’ll describe what a Life-Cycle Celebrant® is and is not, plus tell some stories to give historical perspective.

Most notably, we are part of a world-wide movement that is more than 3,000 people strong. We create and lead custom ceremonies for individuals, communities and organizations that transcend the ordinary. We hold ceremonial space for occasions from ‘womb to tomb’. We come with no judgments. We base our work on the stories, beliefs and values of people we serve.

Here is the thumbnail version of the movement: Civil Celebrancy began in Australia, during the early 1970s. It was initiated by the government, offering people flexibility for holding meaningful ceremonies. Civil Celebrants in Australia ‘marry or bury’ people in settings outside of the church or government registry offices, while still upholding the Laws of the Commonwealth. Today, the majority of weddings and funerals in Australia are composed and led by Civil Celebrants.

Now leap from AU in the 70’s to the U.S. in 2001. A core group of women in New York and New Jersey witnessed a yawning chasm in our culture, days after September 11th. They saw, felt and heard community yearnings for ritual or ceremonial ways to acknowledge heaving losses. They saw how people not associated with a church or government body needed to gather and make meaning somehow. So, they enacted multi-generational, multi-faith or non-faith, inclusive and relevant ceremonies.  For example, they led memorials at train stations in NJ. Such locations were silent reminders of loss, where cars parked by people who would never return sat eerily empty.

After experiencing these post 9/11 scenarios, this core group began investigating the work of our Civil Celebrant friends in Australia. They gleaned lessons from the Aussies and brought pieces of the model to North America. Through a true labor of love and enlightenment, they founded the Celebrant Foundation & Institute in 2001: where I was certified as a Life-Cycle Celebrant® and where I currently teach Funeral Celebrancy. The Institute offers specific training in the art of co-creating rituals and ceremonies for all of life’s milestones. Upon successful completion, students are certified to provide the utmost professionalism and quality services, and agree to perform those under a Code of Ethics.

And well, if it helps to round out this explanation by saying what I am not (yet some other Life-Cycle Celebrants may well be!), then I offer this brief list. I am not celibate. I am not an attorney or event planner; a judge, county clerk, funeral director, counselor, chaplain, pastor or life coach. (Cue to unfurrow the brow.)

As a full-time practicing Celebrant, I am a highly attuned ceremonial guide. I meet you where you are in your life experience. I work with you and/or your animal companions. I help you celebrate and acknowledge new life, love and loss – in a way that feels real for you.

And I am grateful to serve with compassion, humor and joy!

Kristine

Kindness. Compassion. Service. Love. Khalsa Montessori School students wrote these words – as wishes for our community – during a Healing Trees planting ceremony this week on their Tucson campus. The tree was donated by the Alzheimer’s Foundation in Tucson. Lucky me, I was invited by Annie Loyd of the Fusion Foundation to help enact the ceremony.

Nearly 100 preschoolers and elementary school students participated, so as you might imagine, the energy level was high. So FUN! I loved the bright sense of awareness these children and their teachers brought to the tree planting.

Our Tree Planting Team (L to R): representatives from Alzheimer's Foundation, Khalsa Montessori School, me and Trees for Tucson

We planted a Desert Museum Palo Verde in remembrance of the January 8th Tucson shootings. It now serves as a symbol of healing: to honor community members who perished or were wounded, and the many impacted by the losses.

We placed the tender roots into the ground to represent new beginnings and new awareness. Amazingly, each of the preschoolers gently placed soil back into the hole with their own hands.

We created a unified moment along with many other Healing Trees planting ceremonies in Arizona on February 14th. In that moment we reflected upon how we can choose to bring goodness into the world and celebrate life.

The most wondrous part of the planting involved the watering ritual. Students wrote their wishes and intentions on water soluble paper I provided. They were asked to think of one word and write it in crayon on small strips. They put their wishes into the watering can and Voila! Their colorful wishes floated on the surface, infusing the water for the newly planted tree’s first drink. Nirvair Khalsa, their principal, watered the root ball as the children cheered.

Take a look at this Phoenix News Report about Healing Tree’s statewide effort. There are 1,000 more trees to be planted . . . stay tuned and learn about how you might help!

I hope the tree we planted in Tucson long serves as a symbol for the school community: of service, love, kindness, compassion and healing.

With Joy,

Kristine

P.S. Here is a photo of some of the student’s ‘wishes on the water’:

A celebration familiar to many of us is a ‘grand opening’ ceremony for a new business or nonprofit organization. It is a way to mark a new beginning for a physical space, a group of founders and staff, plus future partners, clients or community. Here is a peek into a recent opening ceremony that I assisted with at the Whole Life Center at Shadow Rock in Glendale, AZ.

The Center is an ingenious, inviting and resource-rich extension of a church community. The bottom line of its mission: balance and wellness for mind/body/spirit. My friend and colleague Marilyn Rampley invited me to assist her open-minded and engaging community in celebrating the Center’s opening. I was honored to participate! I met amazing folks. We shared a fun time imbued with meaning and joy.  Here is a peek into the happenings:

Making Noise in the Opening Circle!

First, attendees participated in an opening circle, with music making to energize and open up the group. Annie Loyd, founder of the Fusion Foundation, led the drumming. I love the upward shift of energy that occurs within a group when movement and music happens!

After opening words and prayers to call in the Seven Directions, I led a call and response based on the mission of the Whole Life Center. We shared individual expressions about what the Center’s opening meant to people: healing, wellness, honoring transitions, safe space, opportunity and so on.

Then I shared a few words about how we were all present to collectively bless the opening of the center. I believe we all have the power to bless an endeavor, a place and each other. I shared a few words from John O’Donohue:

“What is a blessing? A blessing is a circle of light drawn around a person (or place) to protect, heal and strengthen. Life is a constant flow of emergence. The beauty of blessing is its belief that it can affect what unfolds. . . We could say that a blessing “forebrightens” the way. When a blessing is invoked, a window opens in eternal time.”

With these words and great excitement about the new opening, we exclaimed together: “Now we bless and open the Whole Life Center!” Then Rev. Ken Heintzelman prepared to cut the ribbon across the main entrance. Before this symbolic act, he asked everyone standing in the larger circle to put their right hand on the shoulder of the person next to them, until all were connected. That way the positive collective energy of the group really poured through him for the ribbon cutting and new beginning!

At Sweetgrass, I love to help people acknowledge a variety of transitions. A new beginning is an especially fun celebration! I’d love to hear about how you’ve celebrated one for yourself or others, too.

Blessings Always,

Kristine

While I watched the full moon setting over the Tucson mountains this morning, I stood in awe. Slowly, the silver desert landscape began blushing into rosy hues, while the sun simultaneously peeked above the Rincon mountains to the east. I quietly reflected: from darkness to light, we continually turn and turn.

Sunrise through the Cholla

And then, a jumping cholla so nicely ‘framed’ the sunrise, I had to at least try and capture her beauty! What a scene, as sunlight streamed through such an inhospitable presence. I couldn’t help but notice the metaphor: how the light shines through, even the densest and prickliest spots.

At the risk of sounding trite, this photo presents me with a ripe metaphor for what has unfolded in Tucson over the past couple of weeks. Light is shining through a very tough spot in our collective story.

Since the January 8th tragedy, countless people have worked together to support, encourage and memorialize the lives affected by the event. So many people in Tucson and from around the world embody that sunlight streaming through the cholla.

We shared in a large-scale memorial at the University of Arizona, where nearly 26,000 people, including our nation’s President, came to honor the living and the deceased. People gathered to hang Ben’s Bells throughout the city. Makeshift memorials or shrines are evolving at key places to help people grieve. Individual funerals or memorials have also occurred now, for most of the victims who died. We feel so much sadness due to lives taken before their natural courses.

I have noticed a consistent theme during this emotional roller coaster ride for our community: ceremonies do heal. Memorials – in whatever meaningful form expressed by individuals – do help the living. Even if by initiating only the tiniest steps into healing. We process grief together and find hope to step onward.  I’ve frequently heard people say how they felt uplifted by attending or watching the U of A Memorial Service last week. (I personally felt buoyed by the experience of being there, too!) Or I read/hear about friends and loved ones feeling depths of sorrow, yet comforted during and after a funeral for one of the victims.

Most miraculously, the best news is that recovering shooting victim Gabrielle Giffords stood on her own two feet yesterday and looked out her hospital window! I am sincerely hoping she can see the powerful memorial on the UMC lawn, or maybe just the silver light of the moon. And mostly, I hope she will heal.

Humbled and amazed by all of this,

Kristine

What a baffling time of heartbreak and loss in Tucson this weekend. When violence against innocence occurs in our world, I shudder. When it occurs a brief drive from home, my limbs feel full of concrete. Sadness from the Saturday shootings and chaos ripple throughout my community, still. Who knows how long we will sense this tragedy within our very cores?

During my work guiding people through ritual or ceremony to face loss, I sit with natural or anticipated death. It feels challenging, although surprisingly gentle. I sense little duality. Pain and compassion coexist peacefully. However, violent death and suffering forces a sickening shatter, doesn’t it? Duality crashes down, with darkness and light seeming so vastly separated. It feels weighty beyond measure, edging me toward despair.

A few days after the event, I still feel heavy like concrete.  My thoughts continually go to the families of those killed, those tenuously surviving and those who witnessed the violence. I find posting about anything else this week would feel hollow. Irrelevant. A few of Jon Stewart’s words about the shooting (from his show last night) inspired me:

I refuse to give in to that feeling of despair. There is light in this situation.

YES. There is tremendous light in this situation! It is up to us to find it. I agree with him as he urges viewers: go read and learn about the goodness of people involved in this situation. There are so many “people leading good lives of dignity,” he said. Story lines will continue to unfold. We need to find those stories and pay attention.

Read about Gabrielle Giffords’s intern who ran into the attack, stopping her bleeding and keeping her breath flowing. Read about a courageous woman who charged the gunman. With her two hands, she stopped the slaughter. Read about the medical care teams who work so diligently in nursing our Congresswoman back from the brink of death.

Learn about Gabe Zimmerman, her staffer who tragically died. When we choose to readily open our hearts, remembering and honoring the good of both the living and the dead, then the light overcomes darkness. We can keep a tremendous light like Gabe’s shining.

There are countless tears to be shed. It is a time to grieve and weep. Memorial Services will occur in the coming days here in Tucson, initiating a long healing process. Somehow, I hope the families who face loss now may ultimately find solace and heal.

Amidst the tears, there is also goodness to be found. Please seek it out. We can read, listen, reflect, and meditate or pray to amplify that goodness. And last but surely not least, the words of Gabrielle Giffords’s husband give you two ideas for concretely helping right now, no matter where you live.

With a heavy heart,

Kristine

As I write this, a winter storm is rolling into the Sonoran Desert. It is a dark skied and chilly afternoon.  What a rare treat for desert dwellers! Sitting cozily under my thickest blanket, I am grateful to have led a couple of small and intimate ceremonies this week. (I even have the faint smell of sweetgrass smoke – a most healing scent to me – in my hair!) In reflection today, I’ve thought about how to make New Year’s Day special for me and my beloveds. Naturally, my thoughts extended to my larger community, so here I am posting a few ideas.

This transition time between the winter holidays and the beginning of the New Year is a rare time, isn’t it? It seems to present a poignant mixture of celebration, remembrance and reflection. Exhaustion may well have set in with many folks. Hopefully though, a breather is possible. A healing message I have received recently from friends, colleagues and clients alike, is a rising importance of simply being gentle. Gentle with thought, speech and action. Gentle with ourselves and others. I am inspired to list a few ritual ideas for welcoming 2011, with this theme of ‘gentleness’ in mind:

• Rest. Whatever this means to you: nap, read a book all day, meditate, be quiet – while holding a gentle and non-judging spirit. (This may be the most supreme of simple nurturing rituals!)

• Revel in beauty. Yep, I said revel! Get down with beauty – via our natural world or a scenic film or your favorite artist or your best beloved (two-legged or four) or a timeless album. Gently bask in it. Beauty reminds us of how human or mother nature can radiate a gentle goodness, instead of wrath.

• Raise the roof with noise. Make sound! Whether you do this at midnight on New Year’s eve, as is custom for so many, or create a jam session on the first day of the year, make noise! Use your voice to chant, hum, sing or pray. Get your drums, beat box, rattles, pans or flutes out – whatever! This kind of movement gently stirs up our molecules and clears out stagnation.

• Reveal your gratitude for the bitter and the sweet. Reflecting and giving thanks makes us stronger, especially if it takes an effort. Gratefulness for the good comes naturally, doesn’t it? Be brave and look at the bitter, too. Think how losses may have provided an opening, even if only slightly. An opening in opportunity or flexibility, maybe? Writing these thoughts down may be cathartic. A few steps further may be to read them aloud, shred, burn or bury them, too.

• Ready your intentions for the New Year. Yes, ‘resolutions’ are usually set this time of year. Yet I think that sounds so strident. A gentler way with ourselves may be to prepare and speak our intentions for body, mind and spirit in this new year. So hopefully, these intentions manifest joy, wellness and abundance! (Rather than metrics by which we may become disheartened.)

• Rest. (See above.)

• Repeat.
  

I have no idea why these all came out as words or phrases beginning with ‘R’. (Maybe because I should have taken a nap instead of committing to write this afternoon????!) If you have rituals for yourself to welcome the new year, I hope you enjoy enacting them. And if you would like to share some of those with a comment, please do!

Cheers to a Gentle New Year!

Kristine

This afternoon, I will go caroling with friends from Valor HospiceCare. We will visit patients who are in care facilities and may benefit from hearing cheerful voices. We might not all sing in tune, yet who really cares? As a result, I’ve been reflecting upon how important carols are to us across the world during Christmas. Dare I say, maybe even more so than food?

Just play this timeless Charlie Brown clip. See what it triggers for you: Remembrances of Christmas celebrations in your past? Smells of favorite hot yuletide drinks? (Here is my family’s favorite!) Images of decorations in your childhood home? Sounds of your friends and relatives talking, singing or laughing? Or maybe watching Snoopy skate just makes you plain laugh?!

Hhhmmmm . . . I wonder what you experience. Even if I feel the slightest bit Grinchy, this song will set me into a mellow and giving holiday mood. Maybe you are not caroling for hospice patients, yet I wonder what giving a listen to a few of your fondest Christmas tunes does for your heart. (Of course I’m not talking about being subjected to canned music in the grocery aisles!) I mean dig a little. Find your nostalgic sweet spot, those songs that stir your heart and your memories. Turn off the television. Stop moving. Maybe get yourself a hot yuletide drink and really give a listen. You may enjoy a purely unhurried time of listening and feeling transported somehow!

Yep. Christmas time is definitely here. That can mean a million different things to just one person. In any case, I hope there is something in a simple carol that can transport you. A melody that can open up your heart and help you ease into a celebratory, peaceful, still, giving or receiving space for this holiday.

And mostly, I wish you wellness and love!

Merry Christmas,

Kristine