Welcome New Year. And hello, friends and new readers. As always, thanks for ’stopping by’. I am excited to announce my launch of two new blogs for Sweetgrass Ceremonies. Lately I’ve reflected upon my ideal clients and what YOU may want to read. I’ve also looked at my compilation of work as a Life-Cycle Celebrant® heartcrafting, leading and guiding ceremonies. With this review emerged my inspiration for these NEW blogs:

Love – Weddings – Unions

&

Celebrations of Life – Memorials – Home Funerals

By posting in these areas of focus, I aspire to bring you relevant resources and fresh awareness about timely topics in your lives. I write with genuine enthusiasm for pausing to celebrate life passages through ceremony. I offer you glimpses of the work I do with individuals, couples, families and communities. I also bring you resources for finding your own way into meaningful ceremony.

In this new year I strive to increase our dialogue (nudge-nudge: please follow and comment!), expand awareness and elevate creativity when it comes to celebrating LIFE — from birth to death — and all the messy, lovely, funny and tough moments in between.

Thank You for coming into the conversation!

Kristine

When I lead ceremonies, (especially smaller, more intimate and emotionally expressive kinds) holding space is often my most foundational function. During larger scale celebrations with 150+ people, I also hold space for the couple, individual or family being honored. Within this spectrum of the quietly intimate to larger forum, I feel very solid and attuned in this active role.

Thanks to recent nudges from a dear sister in our Tucson Threshold Choir, I’m offering my explanation as food for thought. (And I’d love to develop a dialogue in the comments below!) As I see it, this is a juicy subject with relevance for all of us in our daily living.

Based on the sum of my experiences in this moment, holding space for others involves enacting a few key behaviors:

• Authentic Listening. Tuning in beyond verbal exchange with unadorned curiosity, we open ourselves to receiving information from non-verbal cues, the greater setting or context and the frequency of energy people bring into the space.
• Pure Presence. Coming into the space feeling centered and checking ego at the door, we suspend judgment – yet allow room for creative discernment – so we may open the possibilities for authentic expression or movement to occur.
• Wholeheartedness. Seeing the expanse of what is possible, we enter into the experience unafraid of unknowable emotions that may well up. We are there for the wholeness of the experience - the funny, sad, beautiful, ironic, strange, irreverent, loving – you name it.
• Embracing Silence. Understanding that brief clarifying questions  followed by simple pauses and even long stretches of ‘wordlessness’ may be the most productive use of time for everyone present.

Here are words from a courageous women with whom I just worked to co-create a personal ceremony during a transition in her life. She illustrates how I actively held space for her:

“Kristine is a gifted, sensitive, very real (not woo woo) spiritual facilitator. She so skillfully weaves together symbols, and elements from rituals derived from many different eastern, western and southwestern cultures and traditions to co-create a very personal and intimate ceremony.  She quieted her ego to allow my story to emerge and unfold. She listened and was ever present, so as to be able to interject subtle questions or thoughtful comments to encourage the healing to flow through the foggy and rough patches.”

As you’ve read this, I imagine you’re recalling the times you’ve held space for others, without even knowing it perhaps! And now, you have a few expansive ideas for the next opportunity that awaits you.

Do let me know how it goes!

Kristine

Sometimes I see furrowed brows for a few moments. That is okay. Once in awhile folks truly hear what I do – only by asking what I don’t do. “So you’re not ______? Or ______?” “No,” I patiently say. It takes awhile until we reach their ‘aha’ moment.

After a recent flurry of these defining conversations, I am moved to post more here. I’ll describe what a Life-Cycle Celebrant® is and is not, plus tell some stories to give historical perspective.

Most notably, we are part of a world-wide movement that is more than 3,000 people strong. We create and lead custom ceremonies for individuals, communities and organizations that transcend the ordinary. We hold ceremonial space for occasions from ‘womb to tomb’. We come with no judgments. We base our work on the stories, beliefs and values of people we serve.

Here is the thumbnail version of the movement: Civil Celebrancy began in Australia, during the early 1970s. It was initiated by the government, offering people flexibility for holding meaningful ceremonies. Civil Celebrants in Australia ‘marry or bury’ people in settings outside of the church or government registry offices, while still upholding the Laws of the Commonwealth. Today, the majority of weddings and funerals in Australia are composed and led by Civil Celebrants.

Now leap from AU in the 70’s to the U.S. in 2001. A core group of women in New York and New Jersey witnessed a yawning chasm in our culture, days after September 11th. They saw, felt and heard community yearnings for ritual or ceremonial ways to acknowledge heaving losses. They saw how people not associated with a church or government body needed to gather and make meaning somehow. So, they enacted multi-generational, multi-faith or non-faith, inclusive and relevant ceremonies.  For example, they led memorials at train stations in NJ. Such locations were silent reminders of loss, where cars parked by people who would never return sat eerily empty.

After experiencing these post 9/11 scenarios, this core group began investigating the work of our Civil Celebrant friends in Australia. They gleaned lessons from the Aussies and brought pieces of the model to North America. Through a true labor of love and enlightenment, they founded the Celebrant Foundation & Institute in 2001: where I was certified as a Life-Cycle Celebrant® and where I currently teach Funeral Celebrancy. The Institute offers specific training in the art of co-creating rituals and ceremonies for all of life’s milestones. Upon successful completion, students are certified to provide the utmost professionalism and quality services, and agree to perform those under a Code of Ethics.

And well, if it helps to round out this explanation by saying what I am not (yet some other Life-Cycle Celebrants may well be!), then I offer this brief list. I am not celibate. I am not an attorney or event planner; a judge, county clerk, funeral director, counselor, chaplain, pastor or life coach. (Cue to unfurrow the brow.)

As a full-time practicing Celebrant, I am a highly attuned ceremonial guide. I meet you where you are in your life experience. I work with you and/or your animal companions. I help you celebrate and acknowledge new life, love and loss – in a way that feels real for you.

And I am grateful to serve with compassion, humor and joy!

Kristine

Me and Lady B (aka Bianca)

So much so, it catalyzed a theme for a Winter Solstice mini-retreat here in Tucson on December 19th. I am co-creating the sessions with Jenny Kendall of Desert Horse Yoga and my horse, Bianca. We will have more details soon, which I will post.

Why is this concept of finding beauty in impermanence so big to me?

Reasons will surely unfold over time. Here is what I have noticed since reading my Beauty edition:

Mother Nature is a most pure expression of it. Everyday when I walk out my back gate, the desert is different somehow. Something changes, always. This morning for example: I was practicing yoga facing my big southern windows, before dawn. The sun was just beginning to peek over the mountains. A pale sherbet hue was cast over my little courtyard and the natural desert beyond. I went into a low lunge, holding anjali mudra at my heart chakra. I had a soft outward gaze, with enough seeing to notice motion beyond my ocotillo fence: one coyote, another three, then one more and finally three more. A pack of eight shiny healthy coyotes, trotting along. Fleeting and oh so beautiful in the dawn’s light!

We are usually fickle about it, yet maybe we can change. Some versions of impermanence, we do view as beautiful. And then some things, we just do not.  As “This Ruined House” (a Winter 2010 Parabola article) by Joyce Kornblatt points out: we adore cherry blossoms, despite their very brief appearance in the springtime. Their symbolism in Japan even represents the fleeting nature of life. It is rare though, when a homeowner’s association in the desert lets a fallen saguaro decay in a ‘landscaped area’, despite how many homes it creates for other creatures and how beautiful the bare ribs become.

For me, out of this fickleness arises an opportunity. I love these questions Kornblatt asks: “So what might happen if we stepped more fully beyond the bounds of conventional aesthetics?” . . . What if we lived with a wilderness mind, in which change is the only constant, and the process of decay is recognized as beautiful?” In my ever so humble opinion, I think we would have a gentler, less judgmental outlook on ourselves, not to mention the whole life and death continuum.

We acknowledge impermanence during ceremonies. Mostly, when I assist and serve clients at Sweetgrass, they are acknowledging change. Change in status: leaving their family of origin to marry another. Change in home: mourning the loss of a home and/or taking up a new residence and claiming new space. Change in family: birthing or adopting a new baby. Change in health: facing an illness or recovering from one. Change in physical presence: acknowledging the loss of a loved one, whether an animal companion or human beloved. When we create rituals and ceremonies, we create beautiful space and time that recognizes the impermanent nature of life and honors how change is our constant companion.

In so doing, we hopefully create inspiring and loving impressions in our individual and collective hearts and minds. And as I write, of course I am wondering: how do you find beauty in impermanence?

With Love,

Kristine

Kimberly & Josh - so in love!

For this post, words seem a little feeble! Yet I’ll try to explain, because I experience a kind of shimmering realm around weddings. It exists beyond all the flowers, favors or Kahlua-fudge frosting. Here are my three big reasons why, as a Life Cycle Celebrant, I just dig composing and leading weddings for couples in love.

See what you think:

1. Witnessing ‘the look’, like Kim and Josh have here. I just married these two creative and free-spirited people this month. See how they shimmer? ;-D As their wedding officiant, I stood between them while they spoke their vows to each other. I loved writing their vows in their own words and then being a part of this endearing and tender moment in their lives.

2. Feeling the uplifting experience of the whole group: the couple, wedding party and their guests. I believe weddings offer us a space and time for taking a collective pause: to witness and be with love. People hold hands, well up with tears, nod their heads or chuckle with a certain kind of knowing. We affirm, renew or just appreciate our love for the bride and groom, love for our own beloved, or companionship with our fur kids. Guests often say to me after a ceremony, “I had no idea a wedding could be so real, so funny, and feel like I was a part of it happening, too!”

3. Seeing the enduring appreciation two people share for each other, despite differences and difficult times. You might agree we live in a quick-fix culture. People easily move on to the ‘next best thing’. Entering marriage is antithetical to that notion. The couples I serve know themselves well and enter marriage with long term horizons and generous doses of patience. So fabulous! My wedding clients are often mature couples who have done their share of living. Either they are wise old souls in young bodies or they are entering marriage later in life. They choose to truly walk beside each other, despite the tough stuff or distractions. And this loops back to ‘that look’ as I mentioned above: one of enduring appreciation and love.

Yep, at Sweetgrass I help people acknowledge all of their life milestones with ceremony: new life, love and loss. You’ll see me posting about a range of topics on this blog as a result. Today, I just felt like raving about weddings for a few minutes. Because when I work with couples to create and lead a wedding that perfectly suits them, I LOVE IT! (And gratefully, they tell me they do, too.)

With Love,

Kristine

Why? Because I’m observing how much of what I hear Michael say about his newest release, is parallel to what I feel about the power of ceremony. I feel energized for days after leading an original ceremony for clients, too. It can be transformative. Okay, wait just a minute say you? Well, check out what he says here:

“Like sunshine, music is a powerful force that can instantly and almost chemically change your entire mood. Music gives us new energy and a stronger sense of purpose. Music is something you can’t hold in your hands, smell it, taste it or even see it, yet somehow just coming together and feeling these little vibrations that tickle our eardrums can somehow lift us all up out of our most difficult moments in life to unimaginable heights.”

What if you substituted ‘ceremony’ for ‘music’ in that passage? I heartily believe that experiencing ceremony helps us face what is too big to face alone – whether it is welcoming a baby, marrying your life partner or committing the ashes of your beloved parent – it helps lift us up. The shared experience of a truly meaningful ceremony may give us new energy, a sense of purpose, or maybe just a pause for pure expression.

This NPR story about The Sound of Sunshine also inspired me, because it helped me see that Michael really is writing and playing new sounds that will simply elevate listeners. It was a good awakening for my critical mind, because I most enjoy an older and slower tempoed acoustic version of the tune. He played it when I saw him last September. Tears streamed down my face when he said, “This song is for you if you had a rough day.” And well, my greyhound Tiny just died that morning. It was a really tough day. Yet my friends helped me bury her and eased the burden. Spearhead is the only show I would drag myself to see after a day like that. Of course, the music raised me up. Come to think of it, the show was a kind of healing ceremony in of itself!

Give a listen and let me know your thoughts . . . or as Michael always says to his crowds, “How You Feeeeelin?”

Kristine

I’ve hopefully shared inspiring thoughts about rites of passage with folks across the world. (Google analytics tells me someone in South Africa sees this!) I’ve learned quite a lot from experimenting, too. In the year ahead, I will increase my post frequency to bring readers more views into the amazing ceremonies I co-create with Sweetgrass clients, based on their own stories, beliefs and values.

Road to sacred places in Zuni, New Mexico

The road I’ve traveled with clients in the past year led us to a wide array of experiences: tremendous joy, soulful stillness, fizzy laughter, peaceful sighs and heart-wrenching tears. What underscored all of these moments acknowledging new life, love or loss for my clients? A delicious sense of  satisfaction, because we celebrated their life passages with heartfully handcrafted ceremonies that I composed with great intention and awareness, specifically for them.

In the year ahead, who really knows where the road will lead us? I do hope to celebrate my second anniversary of posting with many new followers, folks who add their spicy thoughts to this blog. Plus, I hope to celebrate with new found joys in my practice as a Life Cycle Celebrant, too!

With Joy,

Kristine

I am a Life Cycle Celebrant and I honor my clients’ stories, beliefs and values when I compose and lead original ceremonies. Naturally, I love how this interview offers honest insight into the healing nature of relevant ceremony!  As Patrick says, ceremonies are “not just for the benefit of the community,” they may also “help us to orient ourselves, give us perspective, and provide us with reassurance when we face new roles and challenges in life.” 

I am a regular reader of the Daily Undertaker Blog, edited by Wisconsin based Funeral Director Patrick McNally. I am thankful he posted his very thoughtful conversation with Dorry, a fellow Life Cycle Celebrant. She is founder of Circle of Life Ceremonies in New Jersey and someone I am truly happy to call a colleague! In the interview, Dorry eloquently states our broader perspective as Life Cycle Celebrants by saying:

Dorry Bless of 'Circle of Life Ceremonies'

“We tend to see our clients and their lives as a ‘work of art’. The ordinary is truly recognized as the extraordinary when we look closely and pay attention. The small gestures are the big ones – -the kindnesses that make life wonderful and worthwhile. We paint their story with the words, readings and rituals selected. Everyone experiences their own version of the hero’s journey throughout their lives — even when they veer off that path due to circumstance. Ceremony allows us to view this and experience it on a heartfelt and cellular level. Each client’s story is reflected in a way that is truthful, authentic and genuine to them so that each ceremony is ultimately different.”

Thank you, Pat and Dorry, for sharing your conversation with us all. Your perspectives and wise experiences will surely give readers new insights and bright inspirations, as well!

In Gratitude,

Kristine

What a hushed sense of wonder and delight I felt this morning in that scene. Then, a rush of exuberant appreciation for all life! If you have witnessed a full moon setting (or the moon in any phase, really) you may feel familiar with this enlivening awe. Such fortune to savor fleeting sights, sounds and spaces as these.

Or perhaps you’ve felt it while kissing your child’s forehead in the sleepy cover of night, watching a bee pollinate a fresh spring flower, or holding your beloved’s hand.  Such moments help us p-a-u-s-e. Sometimes tears emerge. We cherish these pieces of time and space within deep wellsprings of our hearts. We carry our own myths within, to color them with meaning. As Celebrants, we pull from these varied experiences and senses of personal meaning to handcraft ceremonies people treasure.

The essence of serving as a Life Cycle Celebrant may be expressed in simple terms: listening, observing, creating, remembering, pausing, and celebrating. When I serve an individual, family or community, pure wonder and delight is what I bring to the experience. Every ceremony – for acknowledging any life milestone – is a unique expression of heartfelt stories, beliefs and values. We pause. We relish hand picked words, music, symbols, movement and sounds. We have fun! We carve out time and space that feels delicious. Being present within that space offers us connection to something vaster than ourselves, regardless of belief systems.

Leading a ceremony, for me, is akin to watching the full moon dip below mountainous silhouettes. I experience similar awe, when we tap into what is larger than us: source, divine, spirit, universe, God, great mother, or whatever you prefer say. We experience delight during the honest and natural progression of fresh authentic ceremony, plus expression of pure emotions.

I step back to pause, and savor a delicate appreciation for life, every single time.

Much love,

Kristine

One tells of the burgeoning home funeral trend, where we are returning to practices we know from our ancestors. The sobering photo in the article shows an elderly rancher looking at his coffin, handmade by his sons. It is a still shot from the film “A Family Undertaking“, which offers glimpses into contemporary family-led funerals. The other article tells how families are decreasing their funeral or memorial spending out of necessity during this slow economy. According to the independent funeral homes interviewed, families are more frequently opting out of the costliest line items and simplifying by choosing direct cremation.

Is the slow economy the only driver, I wonder? Or is this trend away from heavy spending on energy and material intensive products (steel caskets, concrete vaults and embalming) really a broader indicator? Is it a wake up call for not only Baby Boomers – yet all of us – to notice how we may return to simpler, less costly choices at the end of the road? Choices that involve deep connections through family care, support from a home funeral guide and perhaps even natural burial?

An interesting convergence of themes I think, these choices and connections for grieving families. Is a home funeral right for everyone? Well, no. Yet, with healthy planning and families holding an intention for death care at home, the end of the road may potentially become more emotionally healing and less costly in many ways.

With love,

Kristine