Reading this story gives me a huge lump in my throat, for countless reasons. This photo of the school girls, looking toward the A-Bomb dome in Hiroshima, moved me to post about it. I hope they know a different world in their lifetimes, where people do not use such weapons. Eight years ago I stood in the same place as they are, looking at that skeleton of a building, with tears streaming down my face.

Schoolgirls at Hiroshima Peace Museum (A/P photo by S. Kajiyama)

Ceremony helps us mark events; both the bitter and sweet occurrences in life. It helps us pause and remember. Tomorrow marks the 65th anniversary of the first atomic bomb dropping on civilization. It is surely one of our most collectively bitter events to mark as a world community. I can only imagine the solemnity in Hiroshima, when they ring the peace bell and release doves during the ceremony. I am thankful a U.S. Ambassador is attending for the first time. I am encouraged to see other nuclear powers, France and Britain attending. Mere symbolism you say? Well regardless, I believe the ceremony clearly sends messages of peace to leaders and citizens around the world.

I visited the Peace Museum in Hiroshima with a pit in my stomach and many tears. Exhibits made clear to me what utter devastation we wrought. And yet, there is attendant beauty in the walls of letters from Mayors across the world, urging peace and destruction of nuclear weapons. There is magnificent beauty in the thousands of colorful origami cranes draped over garden statues. The sense of remembrance for all the victims and survivors is viscerally palpable. Enough so, I hope, that this world does not see devastation on that scale again.

Kristine

When it comes to getting married, some couples share very strong faith traditions to marry within.  Some do not. Sometimes newly engaged couples know their clergy member very well. They feel comfortable having him or her preside over their wedding. However, many couples do not have this sense of familiarity. They sit with the question, to be married by whom? Judge, clergy, friend, minister, celebrant or family member? Of course state laws vary. The range of choices is pretty well determined, though.

A recent NPR story touches on this question. The answer is: more and more folks are married by someone familiar to them. Really familiar! As in friends or family members.  Often, this opens the door to bringing two different traditions together, without encountering ‘clergy complications’. Says Melissa Evans, a wedding planner quoted in the story, “One partner doesn’t necessarily have to give up their religion, their faith, their history,” she says. “They can tie it all together.”

With a Life Cycle Celebrant like me composing and leading the ceremony, the same needs for ‘tying it all together’ will be met and exceeded. Individuals from interfaith traditions – or conversely – a complete lack of religious or cultural conditions, may choose to work with me as their wedding officiant. I spend a great deal of time and energy getting to know my clients and truly hearing their stories, listening to their beliefs and understanding their values. Through the interview process, we develop trust and an emergent friendship.

In a way I find the timing of this NPR story ironic. Just in the past two weeks, I’ve assisted three long-distance friends who are performing weddings for friends. I lend them the tools I have in my Celebrant treasure chest for crafting completely original, joyful and meaningful ceremonies. They say they would be lost without the help. So far, I’ve heard effusively happy comments from their experiences. Plus, I am always willing to work with couples from afar, to compose their wedding ceremony script. Then, they can choose someone dear to them for leading the ceremony in person.

This summer, I am also working on a ceremony for two dear friends’ August wedding. I’ve known the groom for 20+ years and met his lovely bride-to-be just a couple of years ago. We are totally enjoying ourselves while co-creating their ceremony. Our experience is a testament to how the sense of authenticity, love and humor that arises from working together out of a place of mutual endearment will surpass any wedding service a justice of the peace or unfamiliar clergy member could ever offer.

Yes, marriage is often viewed as an institution with assigned religious rites. Yet, I see it as immensely personal, too. And so, being able to choose who marries you with the greatest depth of meaning and personal relevance during the ceremony is really the heart of the matter, yes?

With love,

Kristine

Here is a thought provoking conversation, shared by Patrick McNally and Dorry Bless, about the role of a Celebrant. It succinctly articulates the value-story behind crafting and enacting ceremonies to mark life milestones, especially those involving loss.

I am a Life Cycle Celebrant and I honor my clients’ stories, beliefs and values when I compose and lead original ceremonies. Naturally, I love how this interview offers honest insight into the healing nature of relevant ceremony!  As Patrick says, ceremonies are “not just for the benefit of the community,” they may also “help us to orient ourselves, give us perspective, and provide us with reassurance when we face new roles and challenges in life.” 

I am a regular reader of the Daily Undertaker Blog, edited by Wisconsin based Funeral Director Patrick McNally. I am thankful he posted his very thoughtful conversation with Dorry, a fellow Life Cycle Celebrant. She is founder of Circle of Life Ceremonies in New Jersey and someone I am truly happy to call a colleague! In the interview, Dorry eloquently states our broader perspective as Life Cycle Celebrants by saying:

Dorry Bless of 'Circle of Life Ceremonies'

“We tend to see our clients and their lives as a ‘work of art’. The ordinary is truly recognized as the extraordinary when we look closely and pay attention. The small gestures are the big ones – -the kindnesses that make life wonderful and worthwhile. We paint their story with the words, readings and rituals selected. Everyone experiences their own version of the hero’s journey throughout their lives — even when they veer off that path due to circumstance. Ceremony allows us to view this and experience it on a heartfelt and cellular level. Each client’s story is reflected in a way that is truthful, authentic and genuine to them so that each ceremony is ultimately different.”

Thank you, Pat and Dorry, for sharing your conversation with us all. Your perspectives and wise experiences will surely give readers new insights and bright inspirations, as well!

In Gratitude,

Kristine