I finally found my way to our Tucson choir earlier this month. Wahoo! What an energetic bunch of creative women. After only a couple of rehearsals, I am overjoyed to sing with them. If you are not familiar with this group, here is an introductory video that gives you a chance to listen.

If you check out the video, you’ll meet Kate Munger, the founder and lead director of Threshold Choir. She is an amazing beam of creative light. I love how she says:

“there is no audition process to join the choir. All I ask is that you ‘feel the shiver’ when you hear our work. That seems to be enough.”

And truly, that is what happened to me, along with tears of joy.

Last night during our choir practice, I thought so frequently of the people in Japan who mourn and face unknowable losses. As they come to terms with the devastation following the quake and tsunami, I wish them peace somehow. As many of us do right now, I grieve from afar. From way across the Pacific – after we sang through the evening – the aching grief I feel was somewhat soothed. The uplifting powers of music continually amaze me. Especially it seems, during the most emotionally fragile times of loss.

If you are reading this and feel curious about a Threshold chapter in your area, you can look here. The organization is growing by the moment. New chapters may have formed that are not listed. I believe nationwide, there are thousands of women lifting their voices in song for people at the threshold.

Please comment below, if you are reading this in Tucson and interested in joining. We will connect and you will be welcome to sing. No audition necessary!

Kristine

Sunrise through the Cholla

And then, a jumping cholla so nicely ‘framed’ the sunrise, I had to at least try and capture her beauty! What a scene, as sunlight streamed through such an inhospitable presence. I couldn’t help but notice the metaphor: how the light shines through, even the densest and prickliest spots.

At the risk of sounding trite, this photo presents me with a ripe metaphor for what has unfolded in Tucson over the past couple of weeks. Light is shining through a very tough spot in our collective story.

Since the January 8th tragedy, countless people have worked together to support, encourage and memorialize the lives affected by the event. So many people in Tucson and from around the world embody that sunlight streaming through the cholla.

We shared in a large-scale memorial at the University of Arizona, where nearly 26,000 people, including our nation’s President, came to honor the living and the deceased. People gathered to hang Ben’s Bells throughout the city. Makeshift memorials or shrines are evolving at key places to help people grieve. Individual funerals or memorials have also occurred now, for most of the victims who died. We feel so much sadness due to lives taken before their natural courses.

I have noticed a consistent theme during this emotional roller coaster ride for our community: ceremonies do heal. Memorials – in whatever meaningful form expressed by individuals – do help the living. Even if by initiating only the tiniest steps into healing. We process grief together and find hope to step onward.  I’ve frequently heard people say how they felt uplifted by attending or watching the U of A Memorial Service last week. (I personally felt buoyed by the experience of being there, too!) Or I read/hear about friends and loved ones feeling depths of sorrow, yet comforted during and after a funeral for one of the victims.

Most miraculously, the best news is that recovering shooting victim Gabrielle Giffords stood on her own two feet yesterday and looked out her hospital window! I am sincerely hoping she can see the powerful memorial on the UMC lawn, or maybe just the silver light of the moon. And mostly, I hope she will heal.

Humbled and amazed by all of this,

Kristine

During my work guiding people through ritual or ceremony to face loss, I sit with natural or anticipated death. It feels challenging, although surprisingly gentle. I sense little duality. Pain and compassion coexist peacefully. However, violent death and suffering forces a sickening shatter, doesn’t it? Duality crashes down, with darkness and light seeming so vastly separated. It feels weighty beyond measure, edging me toward despair.

A few days after the event, I still feel heavy like concrete.  My thoughts continually go to the families of those killed, those tenuously surviving and those who witnessed the violence. I find posting about anything else this week would feel hollow. Irrelevant. A few of Jon Stewart’s words about the shooting (from his show last night) inspired me:

I refuse to give in to that feeling of despair. There is light in this situation.

YES. There is tremendous light in this situation! It is up to us to find it. I agree with him as he urges viewers: go read and learn about the goodness of people involved in this situation. There are so many “people leading good lives of dignity,” he said. Story lines will continue to unfold. We need to find those stories and pay attention.

Read about Gabrielle Giffords’s intern who ran into the attack, stopping her bleeding and keeping her breath flowing. Read about a courageous woman who charged the gunman. With her two hands, she stopped the slaughter. Read about the medical care teams who work so diligently in nursing our Congresswoman back from the brink of death.

Learn about Gabe Zimmerman, her staffer who tragically died. When we choose to readily open our hearts, remembering and honoring the good of both the living and the dead, then the light overcomes darkness. We can keep a tremendous light like Gabe’s shining.

There are countless tears to be shed. It is a time to grieve and weep. Memorial Services will occur in the coming days here in Tucson, initiating a long healing process. Somehow, I hope the families who face loss now may ultimately find solace and heal.

Amidst the tears, there is also goodness to be found. Please seek it out. We can read, listen, reflect, and meditate or pray to amplify that goodness. And last but surely not least, the words of Gabrielle Giffords’s husband give you two ideas for concretely helping right now, no matter where you live.

With a heavy heart,

Kristine

Me and Lady B (aka Bianca)

So much so, it catalyzed a theme for a Winter Solstice mini-retreat here in Tucson on December 19th. I am co-creating the sessions with Jenny Kendall of Desert Horse Yoga and my horse, Bianca. We will have more details soon, which I will post.

Why is this concept of finding beauty in impermanence so big to me?

Reasons will surely unfold over time. Here is what I have noticed since reading my Beauty edition:

Mother Nature is a most pure expression of it. Everyday when I walk out my back gate, the desert is different somehow. Something changes, always. This morning for example: I was practicing yoga facing my big southern windows, before dawn. The sun was just beginning to peek over the mountains. A pale sherbet hue was cast over my little courtyard and the natural desert beyond. I went into a low lunge, holding anjali mudra at my heart chakra. I had a soft outward gaze, with enough seeing to notice motion beyond my ocotillo fence: one coyote, another three, then one more and finally three more. A pack of eight shiny healthy coyotes, trotting along. Fleeting and oh so beautiful in the dawn’s light!

We are usually fickle about it, yet maybe we can change. Some versions of impermanence, we do view as beautiful. And then some things, we just do not.  As “This Ruined House” (a Winter 2010 Parabola article) by Joyce Kornblatt points out: we adore cherry blossoms, despite their very brief appearance in the springtime. Their symbolism in Japan even represents the fleeting nature of life. It is rare though, when a homeowner’s association in the desert lets a fallen saguaro decay in a ‘landscaped area’, despite how many homes it creates for other creatures and how beautiful the bare ribs become.

For me, out of this fickleness arises an opportunity. I love these questions Kornblatt asks: “So what might happen if we stepped more fully beyond the bounds of conventional aesthetics?” . . . What if we lived with a wilderness mind, in which change is the only constant, and the process of decay is recognized as beautiful?” In my ever so humble opinion, I think we would have a gentler, less judgmental outlook on ourselves, not to mention the whole life and death continuum.

We acknowledge impermanence during ceremonies. Mostly, when I assist and serve clients at Sweetgrass, they are acknowledging change. Change in status: leaving their family of origin to marry another. Change in home: mourning the loss of a home and/or taking up a new residence and claiming new space. Change in family: birthing or adopting a new baby. Change in health: facing an illness or recovering from one. Change in physical presence: acknowledging the loss of a loved one, whether an animal companion or human beloved. When we create rituals and ceremonies, we create beautiful space and time that recognizes the impermanent nature of life and honors how change is our constant companion.

In so doing, we hopefully create inspiring and loving impressions in our individual and collective hearts and minds. And as I write, of course I am wondering: how do you find beauty in impermanence?

With Love,

Kristine

As I left their home after a nearly twelve hour day of supporting their work, neighbors began visiting. The day had included an array of decisions and tending to legal details, communication, physical care and paperwork. By evening, gifts of food, flowers, wine, poetry and photos came pouring in. I paused for a bit outside, to witness expressions of both laughter and tears. I saw children, young adults and elderly all standing together to support the family. They were helping each other carry what was too big to carry alone in that moment: be it grief, relief or sadness. And all the while, the deceased was naturally lying in grace for people to sit with, too. It was poignant and oh, so very real.

This story from the New York Times yesterday, conveys many of the reasons why I feel the practice of home funerals is re-emerging. Increasingly, people want to hold celebrations for life passages at home: weddings, anniversaries, or even memorials. According to this article, 80% want to carry out the sacred act of dying at home, too.

The scenes I witnessed while serving the family I’ve described here, all illustrate the power of honest and open dialogue about caring for our own at home. What are your wishes about your final days? Do they involve being at home? Are you conveying these ideas to your loved ones? Opening ourselves to this dialogue is one of the kindest gifts we can give each other, in my humble opinion.

With Love,

Kristine

I received an invitation to present, too. Through Sweetgrass Ceremonies, I serve people and their animal companions during times of loss. I support them during home funerals and natural burial or by simply creating a memorial service. I also lead a natural death care Meetup group in Tucson, to help people learn about their options. At the conference, I’ll share about the ‘Role of a Celebrant in a Home Funeral’ and address how we primarily listen and facilitate – helping hold safe space for individuals, families and communities – while they care naturally for their own departed.

Here is a short video compilation of speakers from last year’s Home Funeral Alliance conference. Take a peek to see and hear what the conversation is like! Please feel free to contact me with any thoughts or inquiries. I love to share about this topic with hospice centers, faith-based communities, schools or associations and am energized by new requests to reach out to people!

With Love,

Kristine

Painting a cardboard cremation container at a Final Passages workshop.

People can participate in many creative ways during family-led funerals. It may surprise you how having a purpose to serve after a death occurs in a family or community may ease uncertainties and awkwardness. For example, people can build and decorate a container for burial or cremation. Young and old folks alike may find it healing to paint designs and express their feelings. People may also help with the filing of paperwork, decorating a room for the deceased to ‘lie-in-grace’, or cooking meals during the vigil.

May was a month full of meaningful work for me, preparing weddings and memorials. So, I meant to get this article posted sooner! And yet, the timing now is perfect because I had a home funeral consultation with a family earlier this week. They had complete clarity around caring for their elderly Mother at home during the continuum of her daily life now, throughout and after her passing. Because they birthed all three of their kids at home with birth midwives, they see death at home and my support services as a death midwife as a natural part of life, too. Simply and naturally beautiful.

The process of honoring Ruth’s wishes for natural care, as told in the Arizona Republic article, inspired me to add this work to my client services at Sweetgrass Ceremonies. I couldn’t be more thankful to her for the life-affirming journey I am on now. In April, I received certification as a Death Midwife from Jerrigrace Lyons of Final Passages.  I am humbled by and grateful for the opportunity to serve families in this way.

Much love,

Kristine

One tells of the burgeoning home funeral trend, where we are returning to practices we know from our ancestors. The sobering photo in the article shows an elderly rancher looking at his coffin, handmade by his sons. It is a still shot from the film “A Family Undertaking“, which offers glimpses into contemporary family-led funerals. The other article tells how families are decreasing their funeral or memorial spending out of necessity during this slow economy. According to the independent funeral homes interviewed, families are more frequently opting out of the costliest line items and simplifying by choosing direct cremation.

Is the slow economy the only driver, I wonder? Or is this trend away from heavy spending on energy and material intensive products (steel caskets, concrete vaults and embalming) really a broader indicator? Is it a wake up call for not only Baby Boomers – yet all of us – to notice how we may return to simpler, less costly choices at the end of the road? Choices that involve deep connections through family care, support from a home funeral guide and perhaps even natural burial?

An interesting convergence of themes I think, these choices and connections for grieving families. Is a home funeral right for everyone? Well, no. Yet, with healthy planning and families holding an intention for death care at home, the end of the road may potentially become more emotionally healing and less costly in many ways.

With love,

Kristine

I’ve kept working all week, consulting with a couple about wedding plans and a couple arranging their after-death care, too. Amidst the daily routines, it is difficult for me to concentrate, just knowing tiny blips about severe conditions in Haiti. Living without a TV, I see videos and read stories on the web. Here is a way I keep updated on events there from a reliable news source.

Awhile after meditation this morning, I felt moved to blog on the subject. I’ve taken many lengthy pauses during the week to extend love and strength to all life affected by the quake. Today I donated to the Oxfam International Haiti relief efforts.

As usual with significant loss, there is an attendant feeling of helplessness. Consider doing what you are able though, by sending your thoughts, prayers, energy or resources to help people on the ground in Haiti right now, during their living and their dying.

With love,

Kristine

Photo by David Baron, NPR

You might have heard Joan’s story on NPR today. She is conserving her land by bequeathing it to a local land trust. A condition of the deal is her own natural burial there. You can either read or hear the entire story here. I loved hearing it today and had to write this entry pronto! It inspires me deeply while serving memorial clients at Sweetgrass.

What a trailblazer Joan is, along with the head of the Six Rivers Regional Land Conservancy! It sounds like they are still searching for a partner to make a green burial grounds on the farm public, rather than private. I sincerely hope the right enlightened folks intersect with Joan’s cause.

This resonates so deeply with me because of my love of the land, background in conservation planning and profoundly meaningful experience with natural burial. I have complete faith that the renaissance of green burial will indeed help more and more people create sacred ground throughout North America and the world.

Kristine