Yes – really! Here is a recent Arizona Republic article on the topic of home funeral rites, to which I contributed the story about my dear friend, Ruth. (The title might conjure up confusing images of Home Depot, but keep reading!) I appreciate how the writer took careful time to compose this piece, gathering contributions from important leaders in the home funeral movement. Ruth was an educator and woman of strong opinions – especially about natural burial. So, I do believe she would have appreciated such an article, too!

Painting a cardboard cremation container at a Final Passages workshop.

People can participate in many creative ways during family-led funerals. It may surprise you how having a purpose to serve after a death occurs in a family or community may ease uncertainties and awkwardness. For example, people can build and decorate a container for burial or cremation. Young and old folks alike may find it healing to paint designs and express their feelings. People may also help with the filing of paperwork, decorating a room for the deceased to ‘lie-in-grace’, or cooking meals during the vigil.

May was a month full of meaningful work for me, preparing weddings and memorials. So, I meant to get this article posted sooner! And yet, the timing now is perfect because I had a home funeral consultation with a family earlier this week. They had complete clarity around caring for their elderly Mother at home during the continuum of her daily life now, throughout and after her passing. Because they birthed all three of their kids at home with birth midwives, they see death at home and my support services as a death midwife as a natural part of life, too. Simply and naturally beautiful.

The process of honoring Ruth’s wishes for natural care, as told in the Arizona Republic article, inspired me to add this work to my client services at Sweetgrass Ceremonies. I couldn’t be more thankful to her for the life-affirming journey I am on now. In April, I received certification as a Death Midwife from Jerrigrace Lyons of Final Passages.  I am humbled by and grateful for the opportunity to serve families in this way.

Much love,

Kristine

As a Life Cycle Celebrant, I serve people at all stages of life’s milestones: new life, love and loss. I recently completed in-depth training about the loss end of the spectrum – to help families care for their own deceased at home. Today I found relevant articles that revealed two themes underpinning why I do this work: choices and connection for bereaved families.

One tells of the burgeoning home funeral trend, where we are returning to practices we know from our ancestors. The sobering photo in the article shows an elderly rancher looking at his coffin, handmade by his sons. It is a still shot from the film “A Family Undertaking“, which offers glimpses into contemporary family-led funerals. The other article tells how families are decreasing their funeral or memorial spending out of necessity during this slow economy. According to the independent funeral homes interviewed, families are more frequently opting out of the costliest line items and simplifying by choosing direct cremation.

Is the slow economy the only driver, I wonder? Or is this trend away from heavy spending on energy and material intensive products (steel caskets, concrete vaults and embalming) really a broader indicator? Is it a wake up call for not only Baby Boomers – yet all of us – to notice how we may return to simpler, less costly choices at the end of the road? Choices that involve deep connections through family care, support from a home funeral guide and perhaps even natural burial?

An interesting convergence of themes I think, these choices and connections for grieving families. Is a home funeral right for everyone? Well, no. Yet, with healthy planning and families holding an intention for death care at home, the end of the road may potentially become more emotionally healing and less costly in many ways.

With love,

Kristine

The earthquake in Haiti and the utter devastation it has wracked onto lives across the globe is no doubt heavy on many of our minds and hearts. Natural disasters of this magnitude fiercely set our collective fragility front and center in our consciousnesses. The living are bringing to bear resourcefulness and courage. Let us hope and pray the dying are, too.

I’ve kept working all week, consulting with a couple about wedding plans and a couple arranging their after-death care, too. Amidst the daily routines, it is difficult for me to concentrate, just knowing tiny blips about severe conditions in Haiti. Living without a TV, I see videos and read stories on the web. Here is a way I keep updated on events there from a reliable news source.

Awhile after meditation this morning, I felt moved to blog on the subject. I’ve taken many lengthy pauses during the week to extend love and strength to all life affected by the quake. Today I donated to the Oxfam International Haiti relief efforts.

As usual with significant loss, there is an attendant feeling of helplessness. Consider doing what you are able though, by sending your thoughts, prayers, energy or resources to help people on the ground in Haiti right now, during their living and their dying.

With love,

Kristine

As long as “you’re willing to be a flower or a tree.” Joan Graham, a land owner in Michigan is doing just that. She says about her own natural burial under an oak, “Wouldn’t it be nice if that oak tree would ever reach my remains, and the tree would take nourishment from that? And it’s kind of like I never died, really. I just morphed into a tree or something.”

Photo by David Baron, NPR

You might have heard Joan’s story on NPR today. She is conserving her land by bequeathing it to a local land trust. A condition of the deal is her own natural burial there. You can either read or hear the entire story here. I loved hearing it today and had to write this entry pronto! It inspires me deeply while serving memorial clients at Sweetgrass.

What a trailblazer Joan is, along with the head of the Six Rivers Regional Land Conservancy! It sounds like they are still searching for a partner to make a green burial grounds on the farm public, rather than private. I sincerely hope the right enlightened folks intersect with Joan’s cause.

This resonates so deeply with me because of my love of the land, background in conservation planning and profoundly meaningful experience with natural burial. I have complete faith that the renaissance of green burial will indeed help more and more people create sacred ground throughout North America and the world.

Kristine

What an amazing Procession last night! I love this event more and more each year. I walked in remembrance of my Tiny Girl this time. So many people (estimated at 20,000!) of wildly varied ages and backgrounds come to honor their dead – humans and animals alike. It is such a peaceful, sometimes wistful, and energizing experience all at once.

If you haven’t participated yet and are curious, here is a video from 2008. Please plan on walking with us next year! Just to explain a bit: the organizing group, Many Mouths One Stomach, has a mission of promoting Festal Culture which they refer to as:

“The expression and fulfillment of core human needs through public celebration, ceremony, and ritual. The All Souls Procession is an event that was created to serve the public need to mourn, reflect, and celebrate the universal experience of Death, through their ancestors, loved ones, and the living.”

I’ll explain more in my next post and add some pictures from my point of view while walking last night.

Kristine

The first time I saw this photo last fall, it took my breath away. I just felt hushed and could sense the stillness of the scene. I originally saw it while reading my In Defense of Animal’s newsletter. Here is IDA’s story about Dorothy’s passing in September 2008.

Currently, the photo of Dorothy being grieved by her companions is circulating around the world, in the Telegraph article and National Geographic’s November issue. I wonder what kind of international dialogue will spring up around it.

If you take a look, I am curious to hear your thoughts.

Kristine

Last week I got a call from a TV Producer researching  trends in green burial and family-led home funerals. We enjoyed an open and engaging dialogue. She mentioned how she and her colleagues have discussed the topic for a few months.

More and more people are considering and even talking about (!) simpler, more meaningful after-death care and burial alternatives. I observe people seeking more personal relevance, less impact on family finances and more earth friendliness than what they usually find in today’s standard funeral practices. A recent USA Today article about the green burial trend in South Dakota reads, “People, especially baby boomers, are seeking a return to simpler times, simpler practices.” Wendell Thompson’s quote in this article nails it:

“I want something simple, dignified and environmentally sound.”

I serve as a Life Cycle Celebrant and Home Funeral Guide to help this dialogue flourish in southern Arizona. Based on training and first-hand work I’ve completed, I believe how profoundly meaningful and surprisingly achievable after-death care within families and communities is, when it fits for people.

The TV Producer’s questions indicated she is not just skimming the surface of this subject.  I hope her research efforts lead to an awareness-building production. If folks in Beverly Hills are exploring ways we can more meaningfully handle after-death care and the funeral process – and thoughtfully highlight the theme on TV somehow – I am encouraged.

Meanwhile, onward with the positive trend!

In love,

Kristine

P.S. Next week I head to California, to complete four days of home funeral guide training with Jerrigrace Lyons of Final Passages. I am humbled with the opportunity to weave what I learn into my services at Sweetgrass. I’ll let you know how the weekend goes.

At the very core of grieving is the act of letting go.

It may be one of the biggest challenges we have. I am convinced that ritual and ceremony help us face this bittersweet challenge. To convey this idea here, I may reflect upon relevant stories from around the world. When clients permit me, I will share their powerful stories. Today, I will share a very personal story with you.

The morning of September 16th, my Tiny Girl died. She was a long-lived greyhound at 12+ years old. It is unsurprising that when I wrote my first blog entry, I mentioned her and posted our picture together. She and I ‘were a team’ as one friend often says. We met each new day together for the past 10+ years. She facilitated countless life learnings for me. She licked tears off of my face when I cried, purred like a cat when we cuddled, shared my yoga mat with me and made me guffaw with her goofy games. She holds a very tender place in my heart as a dear friend. Letting her go seemed impossible.

This is tough to write, yet vital for me to share with you. What we did after her death has helped me grieve in a healthy way and begin letting go.

We kept her body at home for the afternoon. I surrounded her with bunches of dried sage and other native plants, candles, and incense. Friends (she had a big fan club!) came to visit and say good-bye. They noticed how peaceful she looked after seeing her during recent physical struggles. My partner Brian and a close friend dug her grave in our yard. At sunset, Brian played the cello as I sat with Tiny’s body to let the day sink in a bit. I felt exhausted. Friends came over for a humble burial ceremony. We blessed Tiny’s grave in a way only she would appreciate and shared some stories about her life. I cried big bitter tears. And then, together, we covered her shell with fresh earth and flowers.

Taking these steps helped me deeply in the process of letting her go. I created a remembrance upon her grave, with a candle that remained lit for five days and nights after her burial. Whenever I miss her, I go sit there in thanks for her presence in my life and for the blessings of good friends who help me along this journey. Here is a glimpse of Tiny’s grave the morning after her burial:

I hope this story inspires you. Our animal companions are such dear friends, yes? After they die, giving thoughtful time and loving energy to our grieving processes for them is extremely important. Ultimately, it will help us open up to the ache of losing them and then summon the courage to let them go.

In love,

Kristine