In so many ways, wedding ceremonies are collective celebrations of life and love. The occasion is not only for the couple, yet everyone surrounding them, as well. The nonprofit organization Wish Upon a Wedding provides technicolor testimony of this. The poignant wishes they are granting to couples who face life altering circumstances move me to tears.

As a composer and leader of ceremonies, I am ‘enrolled’ as a WUW wish granter. I could possibly serve as a couple’s officiant when and if wish recipients exist in Tucson. I also donated a Premium Sweetgrass Wedding Package to Wish Upon a Wedding’s Blissful Wishes 2010 Auction. The auction was a huge success and just closed out last week.

Quite happily, a couple in Tucson won the package I donated! The Bride’s mother made the donation to WUW as a gift to her daughter and future son-in-law. (How great is that?!) Now we will begin co-creating their April 2011 wedding ceremony here in Tucson, to be held at the beautiful Stillwell House. I am looking forward to sharing pieces of their story with you as it unfolds! In the Bride’s words: “We are so excited to work with you, Kristine. After all, the ceremony is the most important part of the day!”

And I say, feelings mutual. I couldn’t agree with her more.

In gratitude,

Kristine

Kimberly & Josh - so in love!

For this post, words seem a little feeble! Yet I’ll try to explain, because I experience a kind of shimmering realm around weddings. It exists beyond all the flowers, favors or Kahlua-fudge frosting. Here are my three big reasons why, as a Life Cycle Celebrant, I just dig composing and leading weddings for couples in love.

See what you think:

1. Witnessing ‘the look’, like Kim and Josh have here. I just married these two creative and free-spirited people this month. See how they shimmer? ;-D As their wedding officiant, I stood between them while they spoke their vows to each other. I loved writing their vows in their own words and then being a part of this endearing and tender moment in their lives.

2. Feeling the uplifting experience of the whole group: the couple, wedding party and their guests. I believe weddings offer us a space and time for taking a collective pause: to witness and be with love. People hold hands, well up with tears, nod their heads or chuckle with a certain kind of knowing. We affirm, renew or just appreciate our love for the bride and groom, love for our own beloved, or companionship with our fur kids. Guests often say to me after a ceremony, “I had no idea a wedding could be so real, so funny, and feel like I was a part of it happening, too!”

3. Seeing the enduring appreciation two people share for each other, despite differences and difficult times. You might agree we live in a quick-fix culture. People easily move on to the ‘next best thing’. Entering marriage is antithetical to that notion. The couples I serve know themselves well and enter marriage with long term horizons and generous doses of patience. So fabulous! My wedding clients are often mature couples who have done their share of living. Either they are wise old souls in young bodies or they are entering marriage later in life. They choose to truly walk beside each other, despite the tough stuff or distractions. And this loops back to ‘that look’ as I mentioned above: one of enduring appreciation and love.

Yep, at Sweetgrass I help people acknowledge all of their life milestones with ceremony: new life, love and loss. You’ll see me posting about a range of topics on this blog as a result. Today, I just felt like raving about weddings for a few minutes. Because when I work with couples to create and lead a wedding that perfectly suits them, I LOVE IT! (And gratefully, they tell me they do, too.)

With Love,

Kristine

Bill and Dianne after they took their vows!

I felt completely blessed to be a part of this wedding a few evenings ago. The Bride and Groom are both approaching 80 years of age. They both, along with their supportive family members, completely inspired me! They are SO in love! As I watched the family take photos after the ceremony, my heart was nearly bursting open with a sense of how today is truly a gift. Here is a passage from the ceremony I composed:

“As a couple, you feel a common chord connecting you, about doing the best with what you have and being thankful for every day you are given. You quickly felt a natural connection this way, in your philosophies of life and living based on many rich experiences. For all that you have experienced, however, you do not dwell in the past. You are VERY present right now, right here, today. A gift for which you are so grateful.”

Summer evening at DeGrazia Chapel in Tucson, AZ

The Groom was one of the original lithographers for the artist Ted DeGrazia. It was fitting to have the wedding in the DeGrazia Chapel, at the Gallery of the Sun. We timed the ceremony to be held at sunset, as the couple is in their precious sunset years of life. It was simply beautiful! Afterward, we even had a graceful bat or two swoop into the Chapel, which is open to the sky above.

I am so thankful to be doing this work when I serve families in these deeply memorable moments. There were tears and laughter and such good stories. When I walked up the path to my house later that night, I saw a huge bursting star fall, with a long shimmering tail. The perfect footnote to an evening that felt so full of stardust already!

In Gratefulness,

Kristine

This week is shaping up to have a theme at Sweetgrass: weddings later in life. And I adore it! In one day I met with two mature couples about creating their wedding ceremonies. One set is in their 50’s and the other in their late 70’s. They both spoke of how well they know themselves and really know they are in love. Big love. No waiting around and lingering to over-think it. They are joining in marriage.

All four individuals have had prior marriages. One bride in particular said when she planned her first wedding, she didn’t focus on the ceremony. She regrets it. She realizes she was too young and obsessed with other details anyway (read: big hair, big dress and so on.)

Today there is an opportunity to dramatically change that approach. To her, the ceremony is the most important piece now. (I am cheering when she says this, because that is music to my Celebrant ears!) Together, we will craft a heartfelt and original wedding. A lively celebration of not only themselves, yet their adult children and surrounding communities, too. A chance to recognize how intertwined their lives are, plus how much they appreciate each other.

The nearly 80 year young bride shared this little tidbit with me, that I want to pass along:

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow a mystery.

Today is a gift.

So, she said, “don’t wait, love now! Act on the gift that is today!”

Happily humbled by this work,

Kristine

Tomorrow night I am leading a wedding ceremony for a couple. They are bright, energetic, hard working, hilarious and so loving toward each other. They have been together seven years and want to publicly commit their lives to each other, with a community of friends and family encircling them in love.

After the ceremony however, I won’t be filing a marriage license. The State of Arizona will not recognize their joining because this couple is gay. In the ceremony, we acknowledge how “their love is BIGGER than social rules” and hope how someday they will find legal recognition in addition to social recognition of their commitment to each other.

Here is an excerpt from the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in that state. I keep it nearby when I write ceremonies for same-sex couples, to be inspired or to insert pieces of it.

“Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.”

I love that phrase, “it (civil marriage) fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven and connection that express our common humanity” because regardless of belief systems, isn’t that something we might all agree we share?

With Love,

Kristine

My heartfelt congratulations goes to the founder and board of directors for launching this organization. I hope their inspiring work brings MANY rays of light into countless couples’ lives across the U.S.! Wish Upon a Wedding grants wedding or civil union ceremony wishes for people who face terminal illness. Here is a little thumbnail about the when and where of it:

“Officially launched in January of 2010, Wish Upon a Wedding currently has five chapters to serve Wish Applicants. Beginning February 14, couples residing in or wishing to get married within 300 miles of the following cities are eligible to apply for weddings: San Francisco, Los Angeles, Orlando, New York and Chicago.”

I just submitted my application to be a Wish Granter and officiate ceremonies in Arizona – so I may help WUW accomplish their mission across the southwest, too! As a hospice volunteer in Tucson – and a Life Cycle Celebrant who has a passion for acknowledging milestones during our lives from birth to death – this kind of work feels like  a very comfortable fit!

I am looking forward to staying tuned in, hearing uplifting stories and hopefully serving as a wish granter when an opportunity presents itself.

Much Love,

Kristine

Rarely does a story capture such a wide range of emotions.

A seven year old boy named Asa died last Friday in New York, after a car accident. His parents departed from the norm, and wed at his funeral. During Asa’s life, he asked many times for them to make their union official with marriage. They told him they would, yet felt it was “superficial and not necessary”. Somehow, they were moved to become married in Asa’s honor, after his death.

At first, this feels a little shocking to read and hear. Yet I read the full article and watched the video a couple of times. I watched the healing swells of grief and love in peoples’ stories, tears, music and laughter. I sent the family my wishes for healthy grieving and peace in their hearts. Asa shines so brightly in the photos, it seems his all too brief presence will touch countless lives.

For me, this story vividly conveys the cathartic power of personalized ceremony.  Plus, the video illustrates how ceremony may pull community members together, as they collectively bear witness to living, loving and dying. Here is the CNN clip: NY Parent\’s honor son\’s wish

If you take a look at this, I am curious to hear your thoughts.

In love,

Kristine