This week is shaping up to have a theme at Sweetgrass: weddings later in life. And I adore it! In one day I met with two mature couples about creating their wedding ceremonies. One set is in their 50’s and the other in their late 70’s. They both spoke of how well they know themselves and really know they are in love. Big love. No waiting around and lingering to over-think it. They are joining in marriage.

All four individuals have had prior marriages. One bride in particular said when she planned her first wedding, she didn’t focus on the ceremony. She regrets it. She realizes she was too young and obsessed with other details anyway (read: big hair, big dress and so on.)

Today there is an opportunity to dramatically change that approach. To her, the ceremony is the most important piece now. (I am cheering when she says this, because that is music to my Celebrant ears!) Together, we will craft a heartfelt and original wedding. A lively celebration of not only themselves, yet their adult children and surrounding communities, too. A chance to recognize how intertwined their lives are, plus how much they appreciate each other.

The nearly 80 year young bride shared this little tidbit with me, that I want to pass along:

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow a mystery.

Today is a gift.

So, she said, “don’t wait, love now! Act on the gift that is today!”

Happily humbled by this work,

Kristine

When it comes to getting married, some couples share very strong faith traditions to marry within.  Some do not. Sometimes newly engaged couples know their clergy member very well. They feel comfortable having him or her preside over their wedding. However, many couples do not have this sense of familiarity. They sit with the question, to be married by whom? Judge, clergy, friend, minister, celebrant or family member? Of course state laws vary. The range of choices is pretty well determined, though.

A recent NPR story touches on this question. The answer is: more and more folks are married by someone familiar to them. Really familiar! As in friends or family members.  Often, this opens the door to bringing two different traditions together, without encountering ‘clergy complications’. Says Melissa Evans, a wedding planner quoted in the story, “One partner doesn’t necessarily have to give up their religion, their faith, their history,” she says. “They can tie it all together.”

With a Life Cycle Celebrant like me composing and leading the ceremony, the same needs for ‘tying it all together’ will be met and exceeded. Individuals from interfaith traditions – or conversely – a complete lack of religious or cultural conditions, may choose to work with me as their wedding officiant. I spend a great deal of time and energy getting to know my clients and truly hearing their stories, listening to their beliefs and understanding their values. Through the interview process, we develop trust and an emergent friendship.

In a way I find the timing of this NPR story ironic. Just in the past two weeks, I’ve assisted three long-distance friends who are performing weddings for friends. I lend them the tools I have in my Celebrant treasure chest for crafting completely original, joyful and meaningful ceremonies. They say they would be lost without the help. So far, I’ve heard effusively happy comments from their experiences. Plus, I am always willing to work with couples from afar, to compose their wedding ceremony script. Then, they can choose someone dear to them for leading the ceremony in person.

This summer, I am also working on a ceremony for two dear friends’ August wedding. I’ve known the groom for 20+ years and met his lovely bride-to-be just a couple of years ago. We are totally enjoying ourselves while co-creating their ceremony. Our experience is a testament to how the sense of authenticity, love and humor that arises from working together out of a place of mutual endearment will surpass any wedding service a justice of the peace or unfamiliar clergy member could ever offer.

Yes, marriage is often viewed as an institution with assigned religious rites. Yet, I see it as immensely personal, too. And so, being able to choose who marries you with the greatest depth of meaning and personal relevance during the ceremony is really the heart of the matter, yes?

With love,

Kristine